never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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