I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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