Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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