i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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