3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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