apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
