So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
