What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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