I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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