I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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