I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
