did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
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My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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