Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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