the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
