Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
