he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
