I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
from now on my penis is your penis
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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