Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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