do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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