She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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