Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You need Xanax blowdarts
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
