ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
