Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
