I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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