That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
