we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
operation harelip BJ is a go
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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