Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
