Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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