im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
