Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
