Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
