He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
