So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
