boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
