Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
