if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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