mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
