Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
