I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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