Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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