Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize