The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
