Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
