Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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