the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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