He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
