By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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