no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
