Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
