Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
