I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
