You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
