singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
