You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
