I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
