Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
this will be a night to untag.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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