the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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