I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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