it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize