i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
