You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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