So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
