Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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