R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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