I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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