We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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