I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize