Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
