So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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