Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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