its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
