I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
