You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
