Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
