Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
