My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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