i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
