It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
