why didn't you poke me back
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
