He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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